What to know when you’re just starting out

One of the most common things we hear on the Facebook page is that people have no clue what to do next. People from every angle are giving them information on how to process their grief and all of that information can bring about some sort of sensory overload. With that in mind, we thought it could be helpful to put together a primer of sorts for people who are suffering this type of loss. Nothing too complex, just things to remember when you are starting out.

1. No one knows how you are feeling.
   People may have an idea, sure. There definitely are people who have gone through like circumstances, that’s what our page is all about. We are going through the same thing. But that doesn’t mean we know how you are feeling. Don’t let anyone try to dictate grieving to you because the process is individual to each person.
2. Find people who love to listen.
   Sometimes just talking is really helpful to whatever you are feeling on a day to day basis. There doesn’t have to be a conversation, just a release of thoughts and feelings so you can process aspects of your life. Find people who don’t have to have their opinion intersected into every conversation.
3. Don’t feel guilty about still loving them.
   We are not trained professionals in terms of grieving but what we have found, at least through conversations on our site, is that people do better when they don’t try to push things out of their lives. You have the capacity to love multiple people and your feelings are about you – not anyone else.
4. Don’t set timelines.
   I think people look at things like the five stages of grieving and believe they have to go through those things to be a well-adjusted person.  That’s crap. You have the ability to deal with your emotions and still be a functioning “ok” person.
5. Develop your own philosophy.
   From what I’ve read by various site members, there are two trains of thought to how people perceive grieving in their lives. Either people address it as part of who they now are or just something they do. I am not one to say which way is better, I think it all falls into how you process things.

The very bottom line of all of this is your grieving journey is yours. Don’t let other people try to manage it for you because you will never really process it on your own terms.

For people that have been at this awhile, what advice would you give to people just starting out.