The importance of communication while grieving

“How are you?” I understand it is a question most of us dread. We don’t want to burden people. We think that they are asking out of a social requirement – not a general desire to know what is going on in our heads. So, like a machine, we answer with “I’m fine.”


If i asked you that question i know you are not fine, you know you are not fine; so why do we play the game?

Fear? I think that is what we can cut it all down to. We are afraid of not being accepted, we are afraid of being rejected, we are afraid of growing close and losing all over again. Maybe we deflect and say it the question asker is acting out of requirement, just to hide the fact we are just afraid?

“The greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” (It’s amazing how many things I can harken back to the Moulin Rouge)

What if we answered every question completely honestly when we were asked it? What would we gain? what would we lose? In this situation i think we would learn who really loves us by their repeated offerings of the “How are you?” rant oppurtunity. If we told a person who asked “How are you?” just because they were being nice exactly how we are – I bet they wouldnt ask a second time.

Wouldn’t that tell us who in our life loves us and who is there just for the good times? Isn’t that a question we seek to have answered regardless of our situation in life? I could ask more rhetorical questions but i think you get the point. The next time someone asks you those three words – tell them. If they listen and then ask again, that is a person you want to keep in your life.

One response to “The importance of communication while grieving

  1. I am so concerened! as we come close to my son’s hearing: his life was take without remorse, his life was taken and he was left to die alone in the mudd, Now, as we get closer to the hearings the law overwhelmes me, The Judicial system in Santa fe is so lienent. Unfortunately, the defendant has more rights than the victim. I hope we could all get together and start working on the judicial system, in that we initiate petitions, and picket the Capitol. Less lienency and the Judge’s & cases be monitored closely. The law is supposed to be enforced at the same level in New Mexicio. It isnt! I have attended a lot of hearings out of curiosity, I saw some where a 1st time offender gets several years and a repeat offender gets less time for the same crime?

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