Night Journal: Death vs Loss

The concept of healing is allusive to me in regards to this subject. How can one heal after a death?

I understand how one can heal after an injury. The injury just has to fix it’s self. If the bone is broken the pieces have to reconnect, if you are sick the antibodies have to do their job to fix you.

But can the death of someone be something we can get over?

No.

At the very least i don’t think it can. No one can be fine with the death of someone. At the situations very best, the terms can be accepted. Our loved one will not be in our life.

I’ve had trouble with finding something to write about during the past couple of days. I think the hope for happiness article really summed up alot of my thoughts. The families of Homicide victims have been placed in a horrible situation – a situation no one would willingly place themselves in. But they can’t lay down. We (the inclusion of people supporting the victims) can’t lay down.

I want to go back a little bit. Lets look at the differences between the words/phrases “Death” and “A loss.” I think the two mean totally different things.

Death does not overwhelmingly affect us. When a person dies i feel we overwhelming mourn because of the loss rather than the death. When we mourn death we mourn for the person who has died – for the oppurtunities they lose in their life. When we mourn a loss, it’s more personal. that deals with the impact the deceased had in our lives rather than the life of our loved one.

I think that is what alot of family members do not understand. When someone trys to comfort you about the loss of your loved one, they deal with it from the aspect of the death, not the loss. They don’t understand the reason you are sad is because the loss of impact they had on your life.

Now, going back to the origonal topic, in order to heal, i think we need to fully embrace the differences between death and loss. While we do mourn the death of our loved one, the overwhelmingly painful feeling is the loss of impact they had on your life. That loss is the thing that can be remedied.

What we are missing, even if some may consider it selfish or in vain, is the impact those people had in our lives. So we have to have more impactful people around. That may be oversimplified, but it makes sense; right?

(This is all i have for right now. I will come back to this at a later date. – Nick)

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