Sometimes it is hard to write things for this page; simply because we are not trained to guide people through the process of grieving. In reality, i dont think anyone is really trained until they go through it. You have no clue how a singular person will react to the loss of someone and there are no comforting words to get them through the process, just a singular fact.
They, the grever, are still here.
While life may not seem worth living after the loss of a specific person, you have to live. That specific person would have wanted you to have the most fufilling life as humanly possibe – even if they were not in it. This is the only universal fact i see when dealing with the death of a loved one. So really, in my mind, acceptance is about accentuating that point.
But how do you do that? That’s really the essential question.Is there a clear-cut form? No. That point is engraved into everyone post-them day one. But are there things you can try. You should always keep trying.
I think it is imporant to be introspective at first. Look at the person you currently are. Analyze it. Is this the person they knew you as? Is this the person you wanted to be at your stage in life? I think after you answer those types of questions, you can begin to plan out what your life post-them will be like.
What works for me whenever i am trying to get over something is to keep a tight schedule. Focusing on the task at hand allows your mind not to be fogged up by your head. Plan Sunday to sunday, set goals for your week: keeping a schedule keeps you away from you.
But what type of things do you put in that schedule? How detail oriented does it have to be?
I think the perciseness of the schedule depends on the person. I’m the type of person that can get lossed in my work. I can dive into something for 20 hours and not think twice about anything else. But i know alot of people that implode when not adhering to their routine.
In terms of content for the schedule, i think you have to start with generalities. Go back to the questions you answered earlier. If you decided you wanted to learn how to dance set aside a day (or seven) for dancing. If you want to devote a day to friends a family, schedule it. Routines make us feel safe. If ive learned anything through the research i’ve done; that feeling of comfort and consistancy is what you really are lacking.
Lastly, i will always advocate adding time to write down your thoughts. Writing can be very cathartic and if you keep all your weeks together, it can make a very touching memorial to your loved one.
If you do end up doing a schedule we would love to see it. Post a picture of it to the facebook site and tell us if it worked for you.
Link to the Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Remembering-Homicide-Victims/246202078766832